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| 01:17am 26/02/2007 |
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mood:  introspective music: Gordon Lightfoot - "I'm Not Sayin"
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I went back and read through my old entries tonight, and I've gotta tell you: I was stupid, three years ago and running. Boy, was I ever stupid! I sat on my little termite mound of Pride and Justice and Righteousness and scoffed at all the people around me. I was a pompous ass - yes, I do know I still am - who never really paid attention to something unless I could use it to make me look better, smarter, and most importantly cleaner. I was so, so wrong to judge the people who surrounded me daily, to sob and condemn mankind from my dank cellar of depression. I was full of myself and not much else, and it's something I've been slowly realizing since I've found how real people think and act.
People don't let me down because I put too much faith in them, they let me down because I put them on this bloody pedestal. Of course they'll slip up eventually! Maybe, on some level, that's what I wanted. Maybe I put those select few, those poor, chosen few, into the limelight not because they were a shining example, but so that it would be easy for me to point and pitch a fit when their humanity finally manifested itself. And that is a terrible thing for a person to do, Reader. It may be one of the worst things you can do, not only because of how unbelievably stupid and self-centered it is... but because of how completely unfair it is to that person. How would you feel if I told you how much I admired you... and then turned my back with a sneer and flaunted your weakness to the world? Well, there's an outside chance that I have done it to you. Trust me, you'd know if I had.
Reading through those entries... I really want to collapse. I want to fall to my floor, bawling like a child, and scream my iniquity to the world. If you've ever called yourself my friend, the chances are a lot higher than "outside" that I've done you a terrible disservice by letting you do so. There are so many people I need to apologize to, so many... I've lied, I've gossiped, I've manipulated, and I've pretended. Please don't think highly of me. If you have grounds to suspect you were bullshitted (bullshat?) by me, they're probably justified. I'm not a good liar, but I'm a good enough actor to make people think I'm telling the whole truth. Oh, they weren't outright lies, the vast majority. Lying through omission, or just stretching the truth here and here... Yeah, maybe we all do it. Maybe we don't, not to the people we say we love. I'm not a good friend, not a good person, not an upright-thinking role model... Not much to speak of at all, anymore.
With all this on the table, it would be incredibly hypocritical for me to ask a second chance of you, Reader. I won't. I won't go and pitifully dredge up all the defeatist logic that dictates that you should, because God surely knows there's plenty and more to counter it. But I will leave you with a promise to try to keep right-acting in the front of my mind more often. Maybe I'll refrain from a white lie, or maybe I'll outright come clean with you. Maybe I'll just turn away next time a conversation turns to gossip, or maybe I'll speak up and defend someone. Maybe I'll just listen to someone's whole story, or maybe I'll stop telling people that I know what's best for them - yes, my exact words. Let me ask you this, and answer it to yourself: what do you call someone like that? Now... of all those descriptors you generated, how many of them would you apply directly to those you call "friend?" And if you could know from the get-go that a person was in possession of those traits, would you welcome them into your life? I hope what you take from this is not that I'm an evil, antisocial manipulator, because I do truly care for and love the people in my life. It's just a matter of me doing a pretty poor job of showing it, to their collective faces or otherwise.
Ahh, maybe I'm being too hard on myself... and maybe not... But I will say this about journaling: as cathartic and revealing as it can be, it propagates a dangerous amount of "me" thinking. Such is the nature of the beast, of course. Just a passing thought that introspection is good up to a point, but it's important to remember that you're always in the company of people who love and care about you.
So let them do it, and make sure you respond in kind. Life's short.
Drake
"If you tell the truth, you never have to remember anything."
--Mark Twain
"Juries scare me. I don't want to put my fate in hands of twelve people who couldn't get out of jury duty."
--Monica Piper |
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| Oh, please please please PLEASE read this - USMC idiots try to bash the Merchant Marine!! |
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| 06:00am 01/01/2007 |
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I checked MySpace this evening and saw I had two messages, one from this and the other from this Marine, both freshly back from Iraq.
Rick's message, entitled " u r a band nerd and a fag:"
u can't even get into the REAL military, but yeah we do have the no gay thing so that counts u out right there. Mercahant marines yeah way to go your parents must be proud. u dip shit
Grandpa's message, entitled "Merchant Marines!":
What's wrong? Couldn't even hack it in the real military, band-fag!
My response, entitled "Hey! There's something wrong with your brain!":
Hahaha, oh MAN, have you got to be kidding! I have no idea who you are or where you get off, but if you want to talk stereotypes, you just wrote yourself off as the perfect uneducated, idiotic, listen-only-to-what-big-daddy-tells-me jarhead. I can only imagine why you and your buddy felt the need to message me out of the blue and, for some reason, bash the Merchant Marine and band. Do you even know what my fellows and I do for you? You spent time in Iraq... surely you must know how EVERYTHING you had over there GOT there! My God, it couldn't... no, it couldn't have been the Military Sealift Command, could it?!
I just want you to know that I'm relaying this response and the sentiments you and your fellow leatherneck expressed to my classmates. I was considering making a career out of shipping to support the active military, as are many of my fellows, but I tell you truly that if this is how our boys feel about their mariners, MSC is going to have a hell of a lot harder time finding people to man their vessels. You obviously have no idea what you're talking about and I have no qualms writing off everything you say. Way to destroy your credibility, genius.
FYI - I'm sending this very same message to your comrade. Curse my unoriginality if you must, but until you learn what we do for you, don't even bother to respond. I'm way ahead of you guys on this one, trust me.
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If you are a mariner, if you were a mariner, if you know and/or love a mariner, please let these guys know what you think. I literally sat at my computer in disbelief after reading their out-of-the-wild-blue-yonder messages. I can only hope and pray that these sentiments are not widespread and that these two are exceptions, not the rule.
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UPDATE:
New message from Grandpa:
Ouch! It's ironic that you call me uneducated, idiotic and the like. If you took more than 1 min to look at both mine and my friend's profile, you would have noticed that we are not both leathernecks. Lastly, you talk about supporting us but how can you do as such when you playing a pansy-ass instrument? Well, whatever you need to say in order to justify your faggoty-ass existence.
My response:
Oh my God, what did I just tell you? If you have no concept of what I do, don't even bother replying! Sorry if I got it wrong and one of you is in the Army, but your astounding ignorance didn't warrant more than a cursory glance at your profiles.
Everything - EVERYTHING - you had in Iraq was brought by the Merchant Marine. Music is a passion of mine, but shipping is my trade and will likely be my career. I sincerely hope your sentiments are not widespread throughout the Services. I can either take major hits in pay and benefits to work 11 months straight out of every year on MSC ships... or take fat checks, crazy benefits and six-digit pay for six months of work to ship commercially. I know where I'm leaning right this moment. Don't think I'm ungrateful for your service, but check yourself, neighbor. You're way out of line here, especially considering I've never contacted you before.
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FURTHER UPDATE - The reasoning emerges! Apparently, these guys graduated from my high school a few years ahead of me. There's your reason! And they just straight-up enjoy messing with people. That's it! Here's the final barrage.
New message from Grandpa:
Army?! What the fuck is wrong with you? Obviously you still have a thing or two to learn from us "real" military but unfortunately, you won't learn it from an academic standpoint. Don't bother getting all philisphical with us active duty type, it's just a waste of your breath. Lastly (a tip for you) we who have seen the horrors of humanity have a warped sense of humor so don't freak the fuck out when someone fucks with you, pansy.
My response:
Perfectly typical.
In all seriousness, thank you for your service and welcome home. I never discounted the significance of what you've done. However, you really might want to gain a better appreciation of the lines that support what you so vehemently defend. We all know perfectly well what you do and what you experience, even if we haven't experienced it ourselves. Please, PLEASE expand the scope of your thinking. I neither want nor need your tips, and I have no idea why you thought your "warped sense of humor" was solicited or necessary. All it was, was childish. Went to Iraq? Well and good. Doesn't give you the right to come back home and start dumping on people because of it.
We're all on the same side... but you need to realize that you guys couldn't do jack without support. Awfully hard to defend freedom if you don't have any ammunition... or vehicles... or equipment... or food... or anything. You'll be much better off for the realization, I guarantee it.
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As per the recommendation of this particular Marine, I suppose I will take my chill pills and just completely write off everything they said. Hooray for being uninformed! Hooray for being underappreciated! Hooray for being on the same side! |
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| 11:47pm 06/12/2006 |
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mood:  tired music: Guess
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Dunno why, but this is yet another one of those songs I've just latched onto lately and can't get out of my head. I'm no raving fan of The Flaming Lips, but I really like the few songs of theirs I have. Go fig.
Drake the Snake :P
"Fight Test" by The Flaming Lips
I thought I was smart, I thought I was right.
I thought it better not to fight -
I thought there was a virtue in always being cool.
So it came time to fight:
I thought, "I'll just step aside,"
And that the time would prove you wrong
And that you... would be the fool.
I don't know where the sunbeams and the starlights begin -
It's all a mystery.
Oh, to fight is to defend.
If it's not now, then tell me when
Would be the time that you would stand up and be a man.
Oh, to lose, I could accept,
But to surrender, I just wept
And regretted this moment... oh, that I... I was the fool.
I don't know where the sunbeams end and the stalights begin -
It's all a mystery.
And I don't how a man decides what's right for his own life -
It's all a mystery.
'Cause I'm a man, not a boy,
And there are things you can't avoid - you have to face them
When you're not prepared to face them.
If I could, I would.
But you're with him now, it'd do no good.
I should have fought him, but instead I let him...
I let him take you.
I don't know where the sunbeams end and the stalights begin -
It's all a mystery.
And I don't how a man decides what's right for his own life -
It's all a mystery. |
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| Life: It Happens to the Best of Us |
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| 12:59am 28/08/2006 |
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mood:  awake music: Gordon Lightfoot - "Song for a Winter's Night"
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Think about everything that happened to you today. All the people you talked to, all the time you budgeted, the decisions you made, opinions you formulated, TV shows you watched, music you listened to, food you ate, and all the stuff you had to do.
Now think about how totally wrapped up in your little world you were all day.
We all do it, I believe. In Terry Pratchett's Small Gods, a character named Deacon Vorbis is said to have a mind like a steel ball - totally turned in on itself to the point where he was mistaking his own echoing thoughts for the voice of his God. How many of us are similar, even if not concerning matters of religion? Perhaps I'm only describing my own experiences, but perhaps not. Do you ever get that jerking sensation that, although you interact with dozens of people daily, you don't ever really dip into their lives - more like skimming the surface, if not just glancing at a reflection?
The thing that really gets me, though, is the thought of all these people who have their own little world. Even the people you share friends with - between the two of you, you have two totally different sets of experiences with your mutual friend. Now consider that this dichotomous relationship exists between you and everyone you know, as well as everyone they know. There are things about you that 'nobody else can understand.' That adds still another facet to the already myriad-faced diamond of Common Experience. It's like we all walk around all day with a tiny universe swarming about our being. Sometimes it passes through someone else's. Sometimes it gets a nasty shock and all of a sudden you realize how little you truly understand about what's going on with the people around you. Oh, there's nothing specific to this, but rather a thought that's been compounding wordlessly for some time now.
Now, I wonder... What would it be like to be totally wrapped up in other people's swarming little universes? All those students out there - not least of all the pre-med, engineering and the like - probably just probed that lifestyle and realized that they'd have no time for studies if all they did was care about other people. Why, you'd have to be selfish at some point if you wanted to succeed! You'd have to tell someone that you had other things to do (but of course that doesn't make them BETTER things to do, right?). It begs some interesting questions. If you find yourself incapable of living a life where you're constantly - CONSTANTLY, now - available to help your fellows... are you living properly? I'm not saying you're a bad person if every iota of your being isn't devoted to someone else, not at all. Maybe you just use your discretion as to when people "really" need you and when you can tell them you're busy. I dunno; I can feel this starting to degenerate, so perhaps you should add some thoughts of your own, Reader.
Good to have you back.
Drake
"This is our purpose: to make as meaningful as possible this life that has been bestowed upon us; to live in such a way that we may be proud of ourselves; to act in such a way that some part of us lives on."
--Oswald Spengler |
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| It Begins |
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| 03:52pm 08/07/2006 |
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mood:  busy music: Candidates' drill ditties
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Well, technically it began two days ago. The Class of 2010 has reported for their Indoctrination period - I'm still not entirely convinced that I'm a college senior. As you may or may not know, Reader, I'm the new Regimental Bandmaster. Thus far, my musical duties have consisted of issuing instruments and holding our first rehearsal. We've gotten some killer drummers and the bass instruments (tubas and bari sax) give the band a resonance I haven't heard yet in my time hear. Pretty much everyone else needs work... But I'm optimistic about their abilities and I'm absolutely STOKED to be training them.
I haven't gotten much time to work on my sea projects until now - officer's training was a bit more demanding than I had anticipated. They (the projects) are progressing now, though, and I'm really looking forward to being done on time. News, news... I'm getting back in shape after officer's training and will hopefully be able to continue the trend through Indoc. I had a PT breakthrough the other day when I dropped out of one of the runs and managed to get back in and finish with the pack. Granted, we weren't going that fast... but I'm definitely not a runner and it was a pretty big accomplishment. My track coach always used to say that when you think you've hit a wall, you can always push yourself a little bit more. But imagine my surprise when I found that - perhaps due entirely to momentum - you can even keep pushing that "limit." It's what I've been saying all along: if the mind can be properly utilized, a person can access an ENORMOUS amount of energy and power which is simply inherent to the human body. What an amazing machine! And yes, please apply all inferences that a machine must have a Designer.
As I observed before, blogging is on its way out - at least in my little e-circle. Maybe this means I can write what I think / what's going on with a little less restraint. Maybe not - who knows? In any case, Reader, I hope you enjoy reading these entries as much as I enjoy writing them.
If you find yourself in need of encouragement, just remember: you possess all the necessary tools to fix the things that are wrong with your life. You even know how to use them properly. Just because some require a greater amount of work doesn't mean that you should forgo their use entirely - in many cases, it's quite the opposite. So unglue yourself from the computer screen and get to work!
Drake
"The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts."
--Paul Ehrlich |
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| A Gift from Me to You |
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| 12:40pm 23/06/2006 |
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mood:  calm music: Gioachino Rossini - "The Barber of Seville"
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I've heard it said many times that quotes are inspiration for the uninspired. Now me, I love quotes. Scores of men and women well before my time have experienced the same frustrations, achieved the same elations, and reached the same conclusions I have. Some of them also happened to have an amazing grasp on the English language, and still others were just plain clever, to boot. So in the spirit of passing on some of those common experiences we have, I've pulled a few quotes from my ever-growing archive and posted them here. I hope you can find some that you like, Reader.
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"A person who doesn't read is no better off than a person who can't read."
--Mark Twain
"Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great."
--Unknown
"And thou, Melkor, shall see that no theme may be played that hath not its uttermost source in me, nor can any alter the music in my despite. For he that attepmteth this shall prove but mine instrument in the devising of things more wonderful, which he himself hath not imagined."
--Eru addresses the Ainur (J.R.R. Tolkein, The Silmarillion)
"Any damn fool can navigate the world sober. It takes a really good sailor to do it drunk."
--Sir Francis Chichester
"By profession I am a soldier and take pride in that fact. But I am prouder -- infinitely prouder -- to be a father. A soldier destroys in order to build; the father only builds, never destroys. The one has the potentiality of death; the other embodies creation and life. And while the hordes of death are mighty, the battalions of life are mightier still. It is my hope that my son, when I am gone, will remember me not from the battle field but in the home repeating with him our simple daily prayer, 'Our Father Who Art in Heaven.'"
--General Douglas MacArthur
"Discipline"
I am old and I have had more than my share of good and bad:
I've had love and sorrow, seen sudden death, been left alone of love bereft.
I thought I'd never love again and felt my life was grief and pain.
Twixt life and death the edge was thin, then I discovered DISCIPLINE!
I learned to take the good and bad and smile whenever I felt sad.
I learned to care a great deal more for the world about me than before,
began to forget both "me" and "I" and joined life as it rolled by.
This may not mean sheer ecstasy but it's better far than "I" and "ME."
--Brooke Astor, submitted to the New Yorker on her 100th birthday
"Even those who practice justice do so against their will because they lack the power to do wrong."
--Glaucon to Socrates in Plato's The Republic
"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."
--Douglas Adams, "Last Chance to See"
"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use."
--Galileo Galilei
"If you want to know where your heart is, look where your mind goes when it wanders."
--Unknown
"Integrity without knowledge is weak and useless, and knowledge without integrity is dangerous and dreadful."
--Samuel Johnson
"Look out for engineers. They begin with sewing machines and end up with nuclear bombs."
--Marcel Pagnol
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Well, this has been fun. Now I must return to the prison which is my sea projects. Continuing best wishes to you - drop a line sometime and let me know how you are.
Drake
"Mankind have a great aversion to intellectual labor; but even supposing knowledge to be easily attainable, more people would be content to be ignorant than would take even a little trouble to acquire it."
--Samuel Johnson |
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| Indecency Abounding |
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| 12:37pm 17/06/2006 |
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Credit goes to Maritime Observer for the following link: http://nyprotest.flactivist.org/?p=2586
I suppose protests should be expected. I mean, the war (and consequently the President) are not very popular and people naturally want to exercise their right to peaceful assembly... if for no other reason than because they never have before. But to protest with the deliberate intention of ruining a college class's graduation? Where's the courtesy? These students have sweat and bled for four (or more) years to get to this end. Not only have they pulled down MORE college credits than most, but they somehow managed to do it in three years. The fourth, in its entirety, was spent working on ships all over the world to support, in some small way, the American maritime industry. If it wasn't for our ships, these hippies couldn't even buy the noisemakers or the premade anti-Bush t-shirts they plan to wear - let alone all of their clothes, most of their food, their cars, electronics... You get the picture.
If you know a Kings Pointer who is graduating, let them know how much they mean to you. Make sure they know that their sacrifices were not made for a mob of ingrates.
In addition, I am now OFFICIALLY the Regimental Bandmaster. The Change of Command ceremony went off without a hitch and the band was awesome. I mean that - the marching looked good, we passed where we were supposed to and the two halves of the band didn't get off beat even once. If any of the band members read this, know that you guys did really well today.
Drake
"To me, boxing is like a ballet - on there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit eachother."
--Jack Handey |
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| Back in the Saddle |
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| 05:45am 13/06/2006 |
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mood: good music: L'Arc~en~Ciel - "Ready Steady Go"
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Oh boy, oh boy. I feel like I'm finally getting over this jet lag... or maybe it's the wicked combination of jet lag and having to stay up until 0100 every other night. Oh, you Third Classmen had better be so appreciative...
News, news... Ah. I've officially begun my passive-hostile takeover of the band. The Old Man (El Capitan) gave me a couple of jobs to take care of, we're having a rehearsal tomorrow, and I'm running off copies of music! Oh, but life is so good to me. Today, I think, will be the day that I finally started knocking out these project drawings. With a little luck (and hopefully a considerable amount of prayer on your part, Reader), I can be done by the 28 July deadline. Of course, that's setting aside the entire day or two it's going to take to put these bloody things in order.
I was priveleged to have an excellent, excellent conversation about time travel the other day. Folks, I'm here to tell you: it's impossible. Either that or it won't make a lick of difference. You see, you can't change time because it all fits together like a big jigsaw puzzle. You can't travel back in time to kill yourself because you already tried that and it didn't work. Otherwise, you wouldn't have lived long enough to try. See? Go ahead, I dare you - put me to the test! Post a reply with some hypothetical paradox-creating time travel situation and I'll do my best to blow it out of the water, battleship-style. What's that? Mmhm... yes... Ah, I see. For those who couldn't hear, Johnny's question was whether or not you can ask about a personal time travel experience.
Absolutely.
Drake
"So easily does a thief of time repay his debts!"
--Lu Tze in Terry Pratchett's Thief of Time |
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| 09:33pm 07/06/2006 |
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Hey all! I am officially done with my cadet shipping, having obtained a whopping 308 days at sea thus far. I'll get to spend all year at school next year, living the good life as a senior and going to the City pretty much whenever I want. PLUS I'll be the Bandmaster. I know, I know... Sounded pretty good up to that point, right? :P
Sea projects... well... they're all but FINISHED! All I really have to do is a metric crapton of drawings - something on the order of a hundred - and have it all printed up and arranged for turn-in on 28 July. Plenty of time!
Well, all of my updating mojo has suddenly evaporated. Sorry to disappoint, but I've got the longest day of my life ahead... literally. Jaa ne!
Drake |
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| Konnichi wa! |
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| 01:11pm 02/06/2006 |
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And ohayo gozaimasu to you, too! I'm currently updating from my last visit to Okinawa. That's right: I'll be disembarking here in a few short days. Fun times a-comin': my flight from Tokyo leaves at 5:50pm on the 8th and arrives in New York at 5:30pm on the 8th. Longest... day... ever. :P C'est la vie, huh? Against all fiscal reasoning, I'll be returning to school instead of travelling back home. This is actually not a wholly terrible development, since I'll get to be present to accept my responsibilities as the new Bandmaster and to help out with the coming graduation band stuff. If I do return to one of my increasing points of origin, it will probably be Nebraska. Sincerest apologies for depriving my North Carolinian friends and family of my auspicious company; it's not for lack of desire to see everybody, it's a lack of funds and time. I think I'll make NC my Thanksgiving vacation spot... We'll see how it all pans out. Leave a note here with good wishes, if you like; I'd surely enjoying reading them. Xanga is inaccessible to me right now because the Marines are silly and blocked a whole bunch of perfectly safe sites. Le sigh. If it's free expression they're worried about, why am I writing this from their base...? Eh - no big. I continue to notice to conspicuous lack of emails... But since it appears that most of the ones I send don't get received, I don't suppose I can point fingers or hold grudges.
Kara, just so you know: I sent you a bunch of emails on the 11th. I didn't forget.
Continuing best wishes to all - whether I see you sooner or later, you are sorely missed. Jaa ne!
Drake |
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| South Korea! |
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| 07:28pm 17/05/2006 |
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Hello all! I'm in Pusan, South Korea and am leaving in but a few short hours to head to Naha, Japan. I really wish I had time to update this like I should, but this unfortunately has to be quick. Updates:
--I've spent a TON of money on souveniers. Hopefully they all get back to the States in one piece.
--I injured my thumb pretty badly by getting it caught in a bench grinder. Luckily, I only lost a couple of layers of skin, which have since grown back. I say luckily, because it could have been a lot worse. I actually got it caught in a wirewheel; had it been the grinding wheel, it would've pulled all the skin, muscle and other tissues from the bone like a sock. Not very pleasant either way, but I definitely didn't get the short straw.
--Ports I've been to: Naha, Ube and Hakata in Japan and Pusan, South Korea.
--People! Pick up the doggoned phone!
--Emails from the ship will contain the words "admin," "noblestar" and "sealift" in the address somewheres. Check your junk mail folder, because you probabaly got one. And SHAME on you if you read it and didn't reply. If you did, it would be in your best interest not to tell me.
Sorry this is so chopped, but I gots to go. Best wishes to all!
Drake |
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| 12:39am 06/03/2006 |
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mood:  sick music: Nothing
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This will be short - I promise, because I'm not feeling very well. I'm leaving Nebraska tomorrow morning for my internship in Maryland, and I haven't the foggiest when I'll be coming back. Even if I didn't get to see you, rest assured that you were thought of at least once. It's always difficult appropriately divide one's time while on vacation, so I hope I was able to sufficiently convince everyone that your company is both valued and missed. Know what I mean?
Continuing best wishes!
Drake
"Love all, trust a few. Do wrong to none."
--William Shakespeare, All's Well That Ends Well |
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| Welcome back! |
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| 08:47am 02/03/2006 |
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mood: pleased music: They Might Be Giants - "Ana Ng"
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Well, for whatever reason, I haven't updated since I've been home. As best as I can tell - at least, insofar as my little "Friends" list is concerned - blogging is on its way out as a fad. The only updates I see here are one guy who gets so many hits he might as well charge admission, and one other who seems to use it cathartically. To be honest, I keep the big stuff written down elsewhere, and I havean't been thinking very deeply lately. I will say this: being back in Nebraska is providing a kind of catharsis for me, too. It seems easier here to fix what's wrong, to walk my straight and narrow, to turn my radio on (as Ray Stevens said). God only knows why that is. It could be nothing more than wishful thinking, but that doesn't feel right. One major thing that's changed is my gaming - that is, it's almost nonexistent. I enjoy a good story as much as anyone else, but it's been nearly impossible to find a new game that captivates me the way the classics did: from Mario to Final Fantasy to Zelda and anything in between. I think this is a good development; as strange as it seems to acknowledge it, my parents were right: those things rot your brain. Such is the trap of any media whose sole purpose is entertainment. Yes, this even includes my beloved fantasy/fiction genre. I've heard the brain likened to a muscle several times, and I find myself hard-pressed to think of a better analogy. Some sources of information make you think and exercise that muscle; others are like the brain's Mountain Dew: lots of hype that may keep you flying high for a while, but just makes you fat and sassy in the end.
Also, be careful about when you choose to leave home. You can never go back... not really.
Drake
"I think earth, if chosen instead of Heaven, will turn out to have been, all along, only a region of Hell: and earth, if put second to Heaven, to have been from the beginning a part of Heaven itself."
--C.S. Lewis |
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| Greetings! |
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| 09:53pm 12/02/2006 |
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mood:  grateful music: Winter Olympics (background)
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Hello, Internet! I just wanted to write a quick update here while I'm able.
I'm still on the SS Seabulk Power and currently have about ten days left. I have no idea where I'll be headed after that, though. Sea projects are coming along... I guess I'm technically behind where I "should" be, but considering I had an extra project (own stupid fault), I think I'm right on track.
My only thought for the sharing: Thank you to all who have helped me through the past three months. It's been tough and no mistake, but with the loving and constant support from my friends and family, I've managed to get through this first leg of my journey. I always wondered what people meant when thanked others for "their support," but now I know. It can be anything from good advice to just... talking on the bloody phone for two hours. :) In whatever capacity you have existed in my life since I left campus in November... or lack thereof... you have contributed directly to my learning and growing. Maybe you can take a little joy in that. I hope you can.
Please continue praying for me. There's quite a bit on the plate, and sea projects are just a side dish. Love and best wishes to all.
Drake
"If it's Drake's, it's delicious!"
--Drake's Coffee Cakes (c) |
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| 12:47am 14/11/2005 |
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mood:  sad and tired music: HERO Soundtrack (Tan Dun) - "Love in Distance"
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Well, it looks like there's an awful lot on the plate for tonight. I've just been up discussing some of the finer points of God and love and other such close-to-my-heart subjects as these with my roommates, who apparently can't (or don't want to) think any further than the next piece of tail. I don't want you to think that this is another lofty, holier-than-thou whining about how people around me don't meet my expectations. It's not. But I do expect you to argue deeply when discussing a deep topic like love or God. I really can't express in words how deeply my rage goes for people who take it upon themselves to call my beliefs, policies, actions, thoughts, what have you into question and then make disgusting, wretched, putrid over-simplifications of them. Not only have they just tossed out any right to even utter the words "holier than thou" ever again, but they dare to make light of emotions which are complicated beyond their comprehension? How is it that they, who can speak nothing but the most foul and low wishes for girls, could even dare to begin to pick apart my thoughts on love? How is it that they, who don't even try to contemplate the existence of any being above their groin, can begin to speak to me or anyone else concerning God? And it's not simple question-asking, no. They try to disassemble my views in front of me. They try pick apart things I've taken terrible, terrible pains to craft; beautiful realizations that could only be achieved through still-aching loss - they want to destroy them with their clumsy, fool implements.
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How is it okay for God to sanction wars, but forbid killing? Specifically, I have no id--- "Oh, so God just gives anyone He wants a license kill?" No, see - like I was saying, I don't know how they interrelate, but with David and other prominent--- "Oh, so God likes killing? It's wrong to kill, but it's okay to condone killing?" I really don't have the answers--- Oh. I see you've just flashed me a self-satisfied grin, shrugged, and rolled over to fall asleep. Since you never actually wanted to discuss this in any depth, I'll just let you get to sleep.
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Do you have any idea, Reader, of the full measure of joy available to you through truly pure love? To not have to worry about rushing toward sex, to not always have this invisible boundary that you have to somehow push every time you meet your beloved? To know that she (or he, ladies) knows how much you love her when you do nothing more than squeeze her hand, or gently press your lips to her forehead? You may say yes, and you may be lying to yourself. You may be doing the same thing if you say no. You may not WANT to have that kind of relationship - you may want to just move from one ADVENT OF ACTION to the next. I'm not going to tell you that you're wrong, because that's no kind of argument; no kind of point to make. I will swear to you, however, that you're cheating yourself and your future beloved even more than by not getting the experience. Oh, that's the Number One argument for rushing toward sex: gaining experience for that one final significant other, the Other to End All Others.
Firstly, then, what makes it right for you to simply use the people leading up that that One Person? I mean, you really want to drag this issue into the light? You're using people like tools, to be discarded when they no longer meet your needs. What kind of way is that to live? Selfishly; and whatever else you can say about it is mere frills and dressing - hiding and detracting from what it truly is. Is this the way your One Person will have wanted you to act? If casual sex is preparing you to make your Perfect Match as happy as possible, think about how happy he or she would be knowing that everyone up to him or her was just... used. If I've not bollocksed it too badly, you can see that your "experience" argument just went to pieces - that is, if you're considering the word "happy" in more than just one context. Secondly, sex was never meant to be the centerpiece of a relationship - marital or otherwise. Is it vital to a truly healthy marriage? Yes - biologically, physcially, religiously, however you choose to look at it. As far as the pleasurable function of sex goes, it is certainly one of the most important spices to a marriage. But like any great chef will tell you, too much OR too little of the really important flavors will completely ruin the dish. Think about that next time you're trying to "advance" your relationship with someone. How much do you really care for them? Perhaps the better question is: how much do you care for them... compared to how much you care for yourself? A wiser man than I said that love is the real beginning of caring about someone else's happiness more than your own. But I guarantee that in forcing your own contentment down to second fiddle, and your Other doing the same by her (or his) own free will, you'll both have more joy than you know what to do with - individually and collectively.
Do please respond with criticisms, arguments, corrections, what have you. Hopefully I didn't disorganize my thoughts too badly here.
Drake
"Your natural life is derived from your parents; that does not mean it will stay there if you do nothing about it. You can lose it by neglect, or you can drive it away by committing suicide. You have to feed it and look after it: but always remember you are not making it, you are only keeping up a life you got from someone else."
--CS Lewis, Mere Christianity
(Do please extend the metaphor)
"I have never met a man so ignorant that I could not learn something from him."
--Galileo Galilei |
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| 08:09pm 31/10/2005 |
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mood: nostalgic music: John Williams - "March from 1941"
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It's so strange how awesome music like this can just sit on my computer for months and months, totally undiscovered until it comes up on shuffle at just the right moment. LISTEN TO THIS SONG.
"Canadian Rose" by Blues Traveller
Autumn air it carries me there
Less than an hour to go
Six hundred miles an hour
And still it feels so slow
I'm trying to get back to burlington
To a square in the center of town
To a spot on a wooden table
Where her feet didn't reach the ground
And shen she kisses me it tasted like cinnamon
And her skin smells of cider and rose
And when she looked at me we both got quiet
And my heart beats so hard we were in so close
Once for such a beautiful while that still makes me smile
(Refrain)
And she called me her ugly american
And i would call her my canadian flower
And i don't think that we'll ever get there again
We had such power
And she would call me her ugly american
And i'll remember my canadian rose
Especially when the fall comes to burlington
We were in so close
I finally made it this town looks rearranged
I don't know these people anymore
But in the best ways not much else has changed
From the way it was before
And at least they still have this certain table
Where i once carved a particular name
I run my finger through the weathered carving
And i almost can feel the same
And my mouth it almost tastes just like cinnamon
As i ponder what my pilgrimage means
And i try to figure out where vancouver is from here
And i listen to the leaves
If only for a beautiful while that still makes me smile
(Refrain)
And every single hope and dream i could ever conjure up
Passionately springs in me and all things are possible
Plausible and perfectly both of ours forever after and every day
At least it seemed that way
Once for such a beautiful while that still makes me smile
(Refrain)
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Naturally, the words don't do you much good without the tune. I hope you hear this song at some point, Reader.
Drake |
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| 03:07pm 30/10/2005 |
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mood:  lonely music: Boston Pops Orchestra - "1812 Overture"
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Once again, props to Ashley for this one. I don't know why I continue to do these...
10 firsts:
first boyfriend/girlfriend: Cassidy
first best friend: Jesse
first screen name: joker585
first kiss: Dianna
first piercings: You'll be happy to know that's yet to happen. ;)
first crush: Beyond recollection... We'll stick with Cassidy.
first music: MC Hammer
first car: '84 Bronco II - The Tiny Bronco
first stuffed animal: My lamb Smooch. No laughing allowed - I've still got him, and he will visit his adorable wrath upon your ill-placed mirth!
9 lasts:
last cigarette: Another "never."
last alchoholic beverage: A sip of too-bitter white wine in Antwerp.
last movie seen: Waking Ned Divine
last phone call: Caitlin
last cd played: Best of KODO
last bath: Beyond recollection.
last time you cried: Dunno.
last kiss: Lessee... When was the time-before-last that I was home?
last date: Goodness me. Not since I began my career as a Kings Pointer, so... approximately 2.33+ years. (I'm an engineer - girls can WAIT!!)
8 have you evers:
have you ever dated one of your best friends: She became one of my best friends.
have you ever skinny dipped: God save the children! No, not ever.
have you ever kissed somebody and regretted it: Oh, aye, though regret takes many different shades.
have you ever fallen in love: Yes.
have you ever lost someone you loved: Yes.
have you ever been depressed: Ironic method of answering: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
have you ever woken up and not known where you were: Yes.
7 places you've been to:
1 Southampton, UK
2 Bremerhaven, Germany
3 Quebec City, Quebec, Canada
4 Antwerp, Belgium
5 Rotterdam / Brielle, Holland
6 Honolulu, HI
7 Much less recently... home.
6 things you've done today:
1 Talked to Ashley (it was technically today :P)
2 Forced myself to wake up for chow
3 Walked around and discovered that NOBODY is here. Even my sea partner from last year left without saying goodbye.
4 Got a voice mail from my ex-sea partner.
5 Watched hours of awful, awful horror movies.
6 Listened to the "1812 Overture" in, as far as I know, its entirety a couple of times.
5 favorite things in NO order:
1 Steak
2 Music
3 Thunderstorms
4 Solitude
5 Company
3 wishes
1 That I have no problem with motivation to do my sea projects this time.
2 That I see my friends and family SOMEtime before I die. ;)
3 That everyone will one day learn all that they are supposed to know.
2 things you want to do before you die:
1 Ride across the country on horseback
2 Become a licensed engineer in the US Merchant Marine
1 thing you regret:
Only one...? I hate regrets, and I regret having them. I suppose that doesn't count, though...
Being able to witness the fullness of the beauty of the people in my life - be they friend or family or other - and the complete extent of their growth... Able to only by being constantly absent from their lives.
I would have it otherwise.
Drake |
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| 03:30pm 02/10/2005 |
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mood: sick
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I like this song more every time I hear it; I don't really know why. I will say this, though: maybe the greatest thing about some of these drinking songs is that they tell stories. It's certainly a nice change of pace from "I hate the world" or "my wife ran away with my dog and stole my truck."
"The Little Drummer"
The Irish Descendents
One fine summer's mornin' both gallant and gay
Twenty-four ladies went out on the cay,
And in a regiment of soldiers that did pass them by,
A drummer, and one of them soon caught his eye.
He went to his comrade and to him did say,
"Twenty-four ladies I saw yesterday,
And one of them ladies, she has me heart won,
And if she denies me, I'm surely undone."
"Go to this lady and tell her your mind.
Tell her she's wounded your poor heart inside,
Go and tell her she's wounded your poor heart, so sore,
And if she denies you, what can she do more?"
So early next mornin' the young man arose,
Dressed himself up in a fine suit of clothes,
Put a watch in his pocket and a cane in his hand.
Saluting the ladies, he walked down the strand.
He went up to her and he said, "Pardon me.
Pardon me, lady, for makin' so free.
Ah, me fine honored lady! You have me heart won,
And if you deny me, I'm surely undone."
"Be off, Little Drummer, now what do you mean?
Sure, I'm the large daughter of Bally Gustine -
I'm the large daughter that's honored, y'see.
Be off, Little Drummer, you're makin' too free."
So he put on his hat and he bid her farewell
Sayin', "I'll send me soul now to Heaven or Hell,
And with this long pistol that hangs by me side,
I'll put an end to me own dreary life."
"Come back, Little Drummer, don't take it so ill.
I do not want to be guilty of sin,
To be guilty of innocent blood for to spill.
Come back, Little Drummer, I'm here at your will."
"Now we'll hire a car, and to Banshire we'll go.
There we'll get married in spite of our foe,
And what can they say when it's over and done?
But I fell in love with the roll of your drum."
Something deep before I go to sea - promise. |
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| Something neat |
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| 08:27am 10/09/2005 |
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Props go to Ashley for this one. Sounds like fun. :)
Leave your name and
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written (bitte bitte?) |
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uraltedrache's journal